Michal Amdursky on the pain of loss: "Still in crazy denial"
Nearly a decade after the tragic disaster at sea, singer Michal Amdursky opens up about the difficulty of speaking about Amir Fryszer Guttman in the past tense, the haunting nightly thoughts, and the deep void that remains in her heart.
Time does not always heal, and for Michal Amdursky, the tragic loss of her close friend Amir Fryszer Guttman (of blessed memory) remains an open wound. In a candid conversation, she clarifies that the years since the disaster in July 2017—when they were celebrating Amir's "gift of life" following a cancer misdiagnosis—have not dulled her feelings.
"It happened yesterday. Nothing has changed for me. I am still in crazy denial; it is still hard for me to speak about him in the past tense," she shares.
For Amdursky, who was there and witnessed Amir drowning after saving his niece from the waves, the memory has never left her and has become an inseparable part of her life.
The reality in her home reflects the depth of her grief and the daily longing for the friend with whom she shared decades of friendship and collaboration since their breakthrough in the 90s.
"My home is a hall of fame for Amir Fryszer Guttman," she says. "I have his pictures everywhere, which keeps him in my consciousness all the time, every day. It is an emptiness, a hole that always exists."
She adds: "He meant so much to me in every aspect of my life. I thought I was a much more optimistic and happy person before. The realization that such a simple thing can happen to you leaves you speechless."
The trauma of witnessing the event continues to haunt her. As she shared on Yifat Haleli's podcast, one of her hardest mental battles is the nightly struggle with "what if" thoughts. Amdursky describes the mental reconstruction: "What would have happened if we had done things differently?"
The disaster that shocked the entire country left a deep scar on those close to him. Amir Fryszer Guttman, who managed to hold his niece above the water until help arrived but paid for it with his life, remains present in Amdursky's life every day. Through memory, longing, and the incessant struggle with those moments that have never left her, she continues to process his passing and the great void he left in the hearts of everyone who knew him.
