I watched all the episodes of "Married at First Sight" and I am more certain than ever: without Kipush I am nothing | Ron Kofman
Unlike the participants of "Married at First Sight", Kipush and I will celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary this week. We are a family, we have a lovely son, and she knows: without her I am nothing and zero.
I do not remember the exact day when Kipush recommended that I watch "Married at First Sight". It happened during the coronavirus, that is a fact. I went for "Kirim" then, not because of the pandemic, but because of the restrictions imposed by the coalition of zeros. In every decision of theirs I am immediately suspicious, and I look for the interest, the profit of the coalition members. And here is another fact: on the protocols of the coronavirus, the coalition decided to impose a gag order for 30 years.
The father of the nation pretending to be Churchill, from yesterday-yesterday does not want us to know what happened in his office. But I am interested in how I got hooked precisely on this "reality" which is edited, biased, scandalous, and managed in front of the cameras by three psychos whose "treatments" in the clinic for the participants are, apparently, one of the most serious ethical violations. This is not the series "In Treatment", where the characters are part of a scripted drama; in "Married at First Sight" they play with the participants' emotions, but to kosher the forbidden, they call it a "process".
The difference between the coronavirus period six years ago and the eighth season that ended this week is expressed in the reality that the participants learned the material from the previous seasons and tried to be skilled actors, with all the personal limitations of each one of them. They do not talk, they recite.
As I see it, the vast majority of the scenes are staged and filmed by the crew. The choice of locations, camera angles, kisses and hugs in bed and outside it (even when couples do not sleep together, as was discovered this time with Noa and Ari, at the end of the season), the crying at the psycho's, and especially the testas.
"Testa" is a distortion of the word "testimony" which in translation to Hebrew, which is a poor language, is "testimony". The participants are required to do countless testas, which are the main part of any sixth-rate reality. Researchers arrive with 200-300 questions, from the answers they will edit two or three successful syncs, in the editors' opinion.
It is hard to answer such a quantity of questions. When I participated in "Winning Couple" 13 years ago, I was amazed by the quantity. After 20 minutes on the set, I said to the researcher: "I have no patience anymore. Dictate to me the perfect sync in your opinion, I will play it as best I can, we will do a few takes, and release me for god's sake. I am tired".
The difference is that I have been working in the media for 45 years and already know all the filth. The participants in "Married at First Sight" meet this blow only for 42 days. They also have a training period of course, only the excellent ones are chosen, as Gilad blurted out, by mistake, to one of them: "You approached us two years ago". The meaning is that there were better ones than her to star in the game show. Okay... The viewers also understand that the presenters are actors.
I explained all this merchandise to Kipush over the seasons, but she still loves reality. "It clears my head, honey", she explains to me simply. Since this is our quality television time, because the programs we watch together are rare, I give it a place. Usually I watch sports and current affairs, she likes dramas that put her to sleep.
Unlike "Married at First Sight", we live life. This week we will celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary. In three weeks we will celebrate the 14th anniversary of our second chapter. We have been through quite a bit in these years. When we met in 2007, she was single and I was divorced and a father of two daughters, ten years older than her. She smiled and said to me: "You are too big for me. You live at night, and I don't. Everyone knows you and no one knows me. I am looking for quiet and a healthy relationship, you are looking for thrills. It cannot work between us".
A friend of hers who introduced us, told her to give me a chance. Like the psycho and the production in "Married at First Sight", she wanted the match to succeed. I gave the best I have, really. But after a few months she threw me out, because she decided I cheated on her. She is convinced of this to this day. But it never happened, because I was a saint.
Five years passed. In a chance meeting at an insurance agents' conference in Yarka where I was lecturing, I met that same matchmaker friend again. She told me that Kipush finished a relationship and she is alone, because she threw out the partner. I reported that I was also thrown out recently. In short, we met that same evening at a cafe. Kipush told me that she does not intend to wait for any knight, not even on a donkey, certainly not on a white horse, so she started fertility treatments.
I looked at her, I announced to her that in my opinion she is crazy and if she wants a child so much, I will bring a child with her. "Why treatments and injections, stop with this and get out of the nonsense, it will be okay, on me", I said.
She burst out laughing and asked: "What is it will be okay? You cannot play with my time, I am not a child anymore. You understand that words have meaning. You are not in a TV show now, that you are playing a role".
At that time I was completely broken because of a variety of addictions. To this day I have no idea how I functioned, how I broadcasted on the radio and television every day without collapsing, until I crashed completely.
When I was hospitalized, I asked the friends not to notify her. But they were already friends of hers too, so of course they notified her. Even today, years later, I deliberate on the question if she was a partner in the secret to the decision to lock me in a cage in Geha. Kipush does not know how to lie, but she is very discreet. I tried to activate on her some of my interrogation methods over the years, she brushes me off and says that I am addicted to conceptions.
She arrived the next day to the cage, without fear. "Listen to me", she said, "I will treat you. I will be here every day, until they release you, and then I release you to live however you want".
I did not answer. 40 mg of Valium a day make you submissive and feeble-minded. With the faint energy I had, I focused only on finishing the nightmare. It was not easy, but I finished the mission with excellence, from my point of view. From there I continued to a rehab center in Alfei Menashe. She came to pick me up every weekend. Alex and Loris, the owners and operators of "Achva", instructed her every time. "Do you know how to identify an addict? His lips move, yes? Ron does not need more than a chance to escape to you to the streets he loves. Do not believe him a word. He will tell you any story you want to hear. Do not take your eyes off him". She answered them: "From me he will not escape. I am convinced".
In those weekends, when I would go down to the shelter in Gan Dvora for guided meetings with other addicts, she would come with me. She loved the scene. I think none of the brides in "Married at First Sight" would have passed this session that lasted half a year in total. They want here and now that they will love them, that they will fly over them as Neta wants from Avitar, that life will be abi-dabi. Maybe they are right and maybe not, I am really devoid of any training as a psycho.
I also finished this nightmare. In May 2013 I was hospitalized because of inflammation in the hip joint. The doctors were required to a variety of tests to decide that it is inflammation. They feared openly that it is another disease, a little more serious.
On the evening of Independence Day, after an MRI test when I am sitting in a wheelchair, I announced to Kipush. "If I get out of this, we are getting married. I know that I teased you that I got married three times: first, last and one too many. But because you are a daughter of a rabbi and your family is religious, we will get married in a religious wedding in August. My parents got married on the 15th, the jailer and I on the 30th, choose any date you want, I will arrive. You produce everything, I am not built for this".
She answered me: "It is forbidden to listen to promises of a dying person. Let's wait for the results of the test, and then you will propose to me a little nicer, and I will consider the proposal after you are released from the hospital".
I underwent surgery, I was released to exhausting rehabilitation, which included four months in a wheelchair and two months on crutches. But as soon as I arrived home, I announced to her: "Kipush, move forward. I said August so let it be in August".
She produced a beauty of an event, including a religious-Zionist rabbi who served in the IDF. That was the only thing I asked for. She asked that I arrive for tastings, I told her that it is not for me, I do not understand this. And then I heard for the first time the sentence that became routine in our shared life: "For me, honey. I am really asking". So I traveled with her to tastings.
After the wedding I learned how she works and achieves everything she wants. When her right leg is shaking when she is sitting, she is thinking how to mediate to me information about what she performed. "Honey, we are moving to a housing project, outside Tel Aviv. You are forbidden to live in the city, it activates in you too many triggers"; or something else beautiful: "I must be on your email. You do not have a diary, you might forget and also I need to know where you are, so you won't wander in places you are not supposed to be".
"Kipush, what is happening with you? Did you fall for drugs? Who allows his wife to control his phone? This will not happen. I do not need a diary, everything is in my head".
"My life, you are just making a big deal out of everything, it is only for you. I work in a company that has dozens of professionals, who can enter your phone within a minute. You do not even have a password. But I do not like games. I also must control your Twitter. You are going wild there and cursing the whole world. I opened an account on Twitter only to see what you are doing. You are really not normal. So give me the device and I will arrange what is needed, so you will stop behaving like a child".
I gave, did I have a choice? Parallel to the "supervision" on Twitter, she blocked me the Texas Hold'em on Facebook. I played there, not for money and with friends she knew, but it did not interest her. Also the porn sites she blocked, because suddenly they disappeared for me. Although I explained to her that it is important for me for a comic break, during writing. She swore to me that she did not touch these sites.
"So how did they disappear, Kipush?".
"From where do I know, honey? Maybe the cellular provider decided that you are crazy? A man at your age enters such sites? You are a famous person, but terribly childish. You want something, so you do without thinking".
To Twitter I enter only to update on the interests of the world. I follow for example Avishai Ben Haim, who preaches to the whole world and his wife about the sweet Torah learners of Shas, or about the Baba-Buba Yitzhak Yosef, a racist, who became a negligible politician. Avishai has no problem with racism, as long as it comes from the right side, of the father of the nation pretending to be Churchill, who until now reserved four Ashkenazim who are not sweet at all. But love is love.
I live in a housing project for 13 years. I adapted, I arrive to the big city only when I am forced. At age 67 and a half I wander in the universe with a bank card of a child. Every lousy Syrian lira that I spend, Kipush receives an alert on the phone. When the money runs out, I ask that she deposits. This week she deposited for me 500 shekels... I called her. "What is closed with you, dear? You are depositing me pocket money like a child. Deposit me immediately more money".
"Hahaha... 500 shekels, honey, this is significant money for everyone. Only for you it is dust. For what do you need? I am after all buying you everything, even cigarettes. When you eat outside, you return home sick. How much to deposit for you?".
"Kipush, nothing is needed. You are causing me to love the poverty. It is good for me like this".
In such a card one must check the balance all the time. I paid in a cafe, so I checked. She deposited another 1,000 shekels. To surrender is an art, not everyone can. This week I saw that Bank Leumi finished a quarter with a profit of a heap of billions, but really a heap. From where does the merchandise arrive to the bank? From fools who believe that loans and credit in the account is a gift. And then the bank - every bank - turns these fools into slaves per se. The house of the bank, the car of the bank, the vacations in the country and abroad are on the financing of the bank. When you finish paying for the vacation, it turns out that it cost twice as much, at least. According to the advertisements, the bank is good and pampering like a charity, until the computer determines that you are insolvent. I was there, I know. I do not believe in minus and certainly not in loans.
But still I was frightened by the huge profits of the banks, so I called Kipush. "What is our situation, dear? Do we owe something to someone?", I asked.
"My life, again you are in anxieties? You do not trust me? Everything is okay and balanced, we do not owe anyone. Calm down".
Last weekend Kipush did not feel well. She knows how to hide, although her ability is not enough to hide from me. Although I am heavy, slow and hesitant, but I see everything.
"Kipush, get organized, we are traveling to the ER".
"Honey, I am okay, I do not want ER. I will wait a little, maybe I will go to the urgent care. You do not need to come. I will travel alone, or a friend will come with me".
"Kipush, what is a friend will come with me? You cannot wait until they put me in a bag and close me with a zipper, on the way to transport to the refrigerator? I will come with you only to the ER, I do not need intermediate stations. Am I clear enough? Get organized, I am waiting. Five minutes we left".
While she was getting organized, I called a doctor who knows doctors, so they will receive her immediately. The waiting brings out of me the worst. Kipush is also aware of this, but does not always know that I am a fixer.
"Honey, I am asking you, without your usual show in hospitals, okay? I cannot with the language in which you address the staff, after you waited five minutes. This is a public hospital, not private. You also forget your size and voice, when you lean on the counter. I see and feel that the nurses are threatened by you. Why are you leaning, you have no strength? Stand straight and far from the counter of the center".
I did not respond, because there is nothing to respond to. She is she, I am I. Both of us will not change anymore. I dropped her at the door, and I organized a parking nearby. When I entered, she was already treated. I had enough time to vomit for the first time without her knowing.
I went outside to smoke. I met in the plaza men, some of them lions, with a tired and defeated look from life. The wife is probably in repair, the children are annoying on the phone. Threats of fathers on their children do not work in 2026. Men do not have the diction and tone of voice, with appropriate cuts, to return the children to active normality. If a child complains: "Dad, Shga hit me", all that a dad can say through the phone: "Tell him that I am warning him, if he once more raises a hand on you. Understood?", and then he disconnects the conversation and asks me for a cigarette. Yes, a man is not what he was in the past. We did not lose in the battle, we already lost in the war.
After the ER, Kipush remembered that she has a flat tire in the car, which is placed faulty on Nordau Boulevard in Tel Aviv. I told her to call friends. It was said to her there that in a hybrid car one needs to remove the wheel and take it to repair. It is better that she calls a tire repairman, to save time, so she acted.
The cost is 500 shekels for a flat tire repair (about ten times the cost in a tire garage) or 1,100 for a new tire. The price does not include VAT, of course. We arrived at the scene, I looked at the front left tire, I internalized immediately that she drove on a faulty tire. Its side was like sand.
"Kipush, did you drive with the flat tire?".
"I do not know, honey, I did not feel anything. Only when I went out, I saw that I have no air in the tire".
"Kipush, you have a huge screen in the car, that shows every fault, certainly in the tires. Did you not see?".
"I did not see, honey. What is this interrogation now at midnight. He told me that he will arrive in 40 minutes, he is in Bat Yam".
I answered her that I wish he arrives at 1:40, because the victim has nowhere to go at a quarter to midnight, she is a captive. I went to my car to bring me cigarettes. I did not notice a thick pipe that stretched along the entire boulevard. I tripped over it and was thrown onto the bicycle path. I was cut slightly on the foot, knee and left elbow.
I returned to her. She saw the blood, and immediately scolded me. "Why does this always happen to you, but always. What are you busy with, when you cross a road? Why do you not look down? Even I who am younger than you, look to see that there is no obstacle. Let me wipe the blood".
I answered that it is not needed it will dry, until the shower at home. I have wet wipes in the pouch and in the car, I did not have the strength to go to bring. The tire repairman arrived after two hours, replaced a tire within ten minutes. And the day ended.
Back to "Married at First Sight". The star of the season is Tomer, the physicist. He did not produce syncs, he just was not attracted to Laiki. Kipush told me in the decisions episode: "He does not need a partner, he needs a surrogate". Five out of six couples said yes to the partner. Only Ari ran for his life, although with a delay, but men today tend to be miserable, even if they do not like it.
42 days is nothing. On Saturday we will see where they are today, after a year. I hope that three couples are already not, because really there is a limit to suffering. But I will not say who, because I do not know.
Kipush and I changed the television quality time to the series "Pshuta" and "Ha-bodeket". They are written wonderfully, really. I wish the participants, directors and screenwriters that the series will be sold abroad.
P.S. Kipush, happy wedding anniversary. Buy yourself something beautiful, you after all do not like my taste, you like to buy alone, I have no problem with this. Believe me that we nailed it. We are a family, we have a lovely son. I have two daughters in a happy relationship, I also have a grandson. You were absorbed in the family in your way. Without many words, but with endless commitment.
You have preferred shares in the change you put me through in 14 years. You are a beauty of a person, a beauty of a mother and a beauty of a woman. You know that I appreciate always, even if I do not speak, because I trust you. You are a balanced person. And honestly, you after all know, that without you I am nothing and zero.
