"The surrogacy process cost a million shekels. It's crazy but it changed our lives"
Yossi came out of the closet only at age 28 and swore to himself that he would no longer live a lie. Together with Eli, they are raising a pair of twins ("I am tired to levels I cannot imagine, but it is the most amazing thing there is") and they tell what it is like to be a gay family in Rishon LeZion compared to Tel Aviv and the dream of making culture accessible to the periphery.
What do you do with the overdraft, how much do you pay for the apartment, and what dream did you fulfill in the shadow of the war? People from all over the country speak candidly about life itself. This time, the Wolf-Hatzbani family, Rishon LeZion.
In the photo: Yossi (44), Eli (41), Nibar and Yonatan (one year and eight months). The apartment: 5 rooms on the 19th floor in a tower in Rishon LeZion, purchased for 3.5 million shekels. Eli notes: "Today it is worth double." Yossi adds: "We could afford it because each of us had an apartment and we sold them. I bought mine at age 27 in Holon, and Eli never lived in a rental. We didn't want brokerage and we knew they were selling an apartment in the building so we knocked on the doors. The owner's mother opened, and even though she didn't advertise, she wanted to sell. The balcony is 100 meters and from here you can see all of Tel Aviv, the sea, and up to the Jerusalem mountains."
The path to oneself
How did you meet? Yossi: "How do gays meet? On an app. I came out of the closet at age 28 and it was complex. There was a period when I had terrible migraines. You live a lie, leading a double life with cover stories so that no one suspects anything, and it hurts the soul. I was finished. And then I came to my parents and they were amazing. They said to me: 'Are you stupid? Who cares? We are happy for you'."
Eli: "I came out of the closet at age 30. I am from a traditional family, my father is religious, and it was harder. I told my mother first on Friday night, when my father was at the synagogue. She cried and it hurt her that she wouldn't have grandchildren. It took time for them to digest and understand."
Yossi: "Today his father is my best friend. There are two things I took from coming out of the closet — there is no more lying in my life. The truth is the only thing that interests me. I don't lie and I tell the truth to the face, even if it is painful. And secondly — I told my parents 'Don't be ashamed of me'. Whoever doesn't want to be in contact with me — everything is fine. I am today mainly worried about how it will be for the children. At the end of the day this is Rishon LeZion and not Tel Aviv."
Eli: "In Tel Aviv there are more people like us and it is more talked about and accepted." Yossi: "My dream is actually to move from here to a moshav, a private house, so the children have a yard to run around in. For children, a balcony is less suitable."
Parenthood and career
The children were born via surrogacy in the USA. Yossi shares: "The whole process cost about a million shekels. It's crazy, but it changed our lives. Whoever hasn't raised twins has no idea how tough it is. It's from zero to a thousand. In the gay world you live life, do what you want and suddenly you get a slap from reality. Today I am the most neglected of all that I have been in my whole life. The children are the first thing and I don't eat right, don't sleep, every limb in my body hurts. I am tired to levels I cannot imagine, but it is the most amazing thing there is."
Eli talks about his professional path: "I was self-employed for most of my life, dealing with textiles, production, and marketing. Later I worked as an interior designer, but after maternity leave I was fired." Yossi adds: "There is no understanding in Israel for a man in a parent position. Eli needs to leave at 3:30 PM to pick up the children and he can't find work. We have been with one salary for two years and it is very hard."
Culture as a mission
Yossi has established and managed 'Friends' for the last five years, a subsidiary of the Histadrut. "We make culture accessible at subsidized prices all over the country, from the North to the South. We are active in 33 halls. For me, this is true Zionism. We don't profit from this and the Histadrut actually puts money to bring culture to the people. Today we are the leading body in the culture world in Israel, selling 40,000 tickets a month. Mayors beg us to come because if we are not there — they have no culture. Culture is not a luxury, but in many places it is not accessible due to high prices. I set myself a goal to bring content to the periphery, and I fight for it every day."
The family's economic situation remains difficult: "We buy 40 packs of diapers a month and try that it will be in Eilat. We don't save and we pray every Tuesday and Saturday to win the lottery."
