"The medications stole my life": The digital diary of the mother who murdered her children

Personal notes found on the phone of Lindsay Clancy, the mother from Massachusetts standing trial for the murder of her three children, were revealed this week in court and provided another glimpse into her mental state in the months leading up to their deaths. This was reported by CNN.

In one of the notes, created in late December 2022 and last updated the day before the children's deaths, Clancy wrote: "The medications stole my motherhood and my life." She went on to describe herself as someone who was, in her words, "the healthiest and happiest mom," who exercised every morning, meditated, and took care of herself to be at her best for her children, until she claimed the prescription drugs "stole" her from her body. She wrote that it all began with "a little postpartum anxiety."

The note was presented to the jury during the testimony of a forensic phone expert, who said he extracted the writings from Clancy's device. Her defense attorney, Kevin Reddington, did not dispute the authenticity of the notes or the identity of the author during cross-examination.

In another note, updated in November 2022, Clancy described feelings of sadness and depression surrounding her difficulty in caring for her youngest son, Callan, as she had cared for her first child. She wrote that she felt less connected to him and that she sometimes felt resentment toward her older children because, according to her, they prevented her from giving Callan the same parenting experience she had with her first children.

Alongside the difficult words, the same note also contained a list of affirmations she wrote to herself: she promised that she would get through the period, overcome the postpartum anxiety and depression, and reminded herself that she was a "good mom" and that she loved her children.

In another note, Clancy wrote that she wanted to bring a fourth child into the world, but first felt she needed to turn to a "really good therapist." She also described hesitation to start a new medication treatment for anxiety and depression, and wrote that she wanted to feel joy "in a real way, not fake." At that time, she admitted that she was depressed and could not enjoy the time with her children.

The investigation of the phone was not limited to notes. The defense also pointed out to the jury searches Clancy made on the internet regarding topics related to childcare and family activities, including trampolines and children's movies. Alongside these, many searches were found regarding psychiatric medications and mental disorders.

In January 2023, in the weeks leading up to the children's deaths, Clancy searched for information on schizophrenia, psychosis, hallucinations, and bipolar disorder. According to the expert's testimony, searches related to suicide were also found on the phone. The prosecution chose to highlight to the jury one search performed four days before the children's deaths: "Can a sociopath be cured?".

Clancy does not deny that she strangled her children to death, 5-year-old Cora, 3-year-old Dawson, and 8-month-old Callan, at the family home in Duxbury in January 2023. Afterward, she attempted to end her own life. The defense argues that at the time of the acts, she was suffering from postpartum psychosis and therefore bears no criminal responsibility for their deaths. The prosecution, on the other hand, argues that she murdered the children intentionally and in a planned manner and that she was not in the midst of a psychotic state at the time of the act. These claims are at the heart of the trial currently underway in Plymouth.

If convicted on the three counts of murder, Clancy could be sentenced to life in prison. If the jury determines that she is not criminally responsible for her actions due to her mental state, a procedure for her hospitalization in a psychiatric institution is expected to begin.