"I am now living in 'injury time'": The couples who decided to devour life anew

Women in their 50s and 60s wear wedding dresses, arrange their veils, and line up for the chuppah. Some of them have been married for decades, some are in their second chapter, but they didn't come to get married at all — they came for a picnic. However, during the evening, they found themselves participating in an alternative love declaration ceremony alongside dozens of other couples.

Apparently, it is just another gimmicky event of mass vow renewal, but the truth is that it tells a bigger story about life after age 50: the children have already grown up and left home, the relationship is sucked into a boring routine in front of the TV, circles of friends have shrunk, and suddenly it turns out that it is no longer simple to meet new friends. Precisely at this stage, there are those who refuse to accept the thought that life should become narrower.

"If we go to a bar, then either very young people are sitting there, or we go to a place where there are very old people. And if I see people my age, then what do I do? Approach and say, 'Hi, my name is Jenny'? So we asked ourselves, how do we meet more friends? And actually, that's where it started." This question was asked by Jenny together with her husband Ilan, shortly after the outbreak of the war. They established the "Couples Club," a social club that seeks to do something that sounds simple, but turns out to be much more complex as you get older — to meet new friends.

"The 'Couples Club' is a social club that actually provides an answer to the feeling of loneliness experienced by many couples and people aged 50+. The circle of friends shrinks, and unlike social networks, where the world looks glamorous, in real life there is not really anyone to spend time with and how to connect." What started as an attempt by one couple to expand their social circle turned, according to them, into a community of nearly 10,000 couples, active in WhatsApp groups, on Facebook, and at meetings across the country. Trips, picnics, parties, lectures, weekends, sing-along evenings, and women's meetings are just some of the activities that take place throughout the year. But the goal is not just to find someone to go out with in the evening.

Not just meeting friends, also getting to know the partner anew

"We also do an upgrade of the existing relationship," explains Jenny. "We hold events that cause them to see each other with a new look: to laugh together, to dance together, to be excited about each other." The event last Thursday is perhaps the best example of this. Jenny and Ilan are celebrating 24 years of marriage. Instead of celebrating only between themselves, they decided to invite the community members to an alternative chuppah ceremony, where couples could renew their promises to each other.

"We stood 24 years ago under the chuppah and didn't know anything. You mainly hope that the event will go successfully and that everyone will say that your dress is stunning. But you don't really understand then where you are going. After 24 years, the understanding is different. We want to commit anew to each other, and this time out of acquaintance and out of the fact that we know what life brings with it."

"The children grew up. Goodbye"

One of the difficulties that surfaced again and again in conversations with club members is the moment when the children leave the house, and a not-so-simple turning point arises. "I see couples whose relationship has lost direction," says one of the participants. "Suddenly they find themselves alone, not really knowing what to do with themselves, often in front of the TV. Not going out anywhere, not spending time together anymore."

According to him, the relationship itself also gets a new perspective when meeting other couples. "When you arrive at such a forum and meet new people, it also brings you back anew to your relationship. Suddenly there are shared experiences, you laugh together, talk about things you don't talk about at home, and you remember who the person next to you is and what is fun for you with them. You see other couples, hear what they are dealing with, and understand that you are not so different. This community actually gives you an opportunity to discover your relationship anew as well."

What surprises you most about these meetings? "We didn't plan to come at all, we just said we would come to say hello. Even at the beginning, we didn't want to stay, because we are not into getting married and didn't think we would experience something like this. Every few minutes we told ourselves, 'Okay, now we are leaving,' but we stayed, and in the end, we found ourselves enjoying it very much. We broke a glass half an hour ago, such an experience we will not forget."

Even at age 70, you can start anew

One of the prominent things in the stories of the club members is the way they break the assumption that at an older age you are "supposed" to stay with the same friends, the same habits, and the same life routine, and in almost every conversation the same motif arises — the need and the desire to experience. Uzi and Shulamit, married for more than 30 years, have a rich social circle and yet they found in the club something they didn't have before. "The activities show people that it is possible to create a different relationship, to get out of the living room and spend time together. Everything revolves around being together, talking differently, connecting, and seeing that even within the relationship there is room for healing. It gives people an opening to spend time in a different way."

How is friendship at these ages different from friendship at ages 20 and 30? "This friendship is the most interesting, because here you actually meet people not out of necessity. Not at work, not because friends were forced on you, not someone you grew up with in school. You meet people from a million fields. No one works with you at the same job." And according to him, this is exactly what attracts them: the possibility to be exposed to new worlds. "There are plenty of ages here, plenty of areas, a huge abundance of occupations and hobbies. Everyone also gives of themselves."

Do you have friends who say, "Why should I meet new people now? I have enough friends"? "Yes, of course. There are quite a few people who are deterred at first by the thought of arriving at a place where they don't know anyone, they don't have the courage," says Shulamit. "People love their safe place, their habits."

But after they arrive, the picture changes: "Today a couple arrived who lived in the USA for 33 years, they returned to Israel four years ago and only now decided to leave the house and meet new people. He is 70 years old. And he is in lights," says Uzi. "I see here couples who were immersed in routine and boredom, sat for hours upon hours at home and almost forgot how to talk to each other, he can't stand her, she can't stand him," he says and laughs. "And then they arrive here and suddenly a new world opens up to them. They discover that it is possible to meet new friends at their age, go out for coffee, conduct other conversations, and discover anew how big and interesting the world can be."

And perhaps this is one of the biggest stigmas that is shattered this evening — the assumption that after age 50, social life only shrinks. In practice, for some of the participants, precisely now the possibility opens up to choose anew who to spend time with, what to do, and what experiences to try.

"Suddenly they exchange phones"

The idea, according to Jenny, is simple: instead of expecting a 60-year-old person to approach a stranger and initiate a friendship, a situation is created for them where the acquaintance happens almost by itself. "People always come with the knowledge that they are going to meet more people," says Jenny. "Both those they have already met at previous events and new people. We do social activities or seat them around large tables. And it is amazing to see that people who arrived as strangers suddenly exchange phones."

According to her, more than once the acquaintance turns into a real friendship, even without connection to the club's activity. "A woman stopped me on the street a few days ago and said to me: 'Jenny, you know, we were at the sing-along evening you did, we met two couples there, we are now very good friends. We meet together and go out to spend time together, without connection to you.' It already becomes their own. Not something you come to as strangers, but their own."

"The fears that were at the beginning disappeared as if they never were"

For Ofer, 63, and Shamrit, 61, this is the second meeting at the club, the first time was almost by chance. "I saw some advertisement, I decided to register and we arrived, and it was amazing," says Ofer. "There was a really interesting activity, also with all kinds of people. Although I was very afraid of the subject of ages." What was your fear? "The fear was that the gaps would be too big, I was afraid that some of them would be too old," he explains, "but in the end, it turned out that the fears that were at the beginning disappeared as if they never were. It was a really cohesive and fascinating weekend."

"Instead of spending a regular weekend in a hotel, we thought it was much more interesting," adds Shamrit. "We also have a circle of friends of our own, but tonight we could have sat at home or found ourselves some occupation. But this is something else, why not actually?"

"I think there is some point here of increasing the circle of friends. I discovered that there are super-quality people here," adds Ofer. "Has the friendship already become the closest friendship? No. Can it happen? Over the years, I believe so."

"Friends disappear, and suddenly you need to build everything anew"

The need for new friends does not necessarily stem from loneliness in the classic sense. Jenny also tells about couples who are in their second chapter, and discover that after the separation, the circle of friends also changed. "Others moved residence, some of the friends divorced, others simply stopped going out. There are those whose friends have shrunk. Suddenly these divorced and those moved, and those became a bit heavy and don't go out, and then they suddenly discover that they need to build their social circle anew."

Also Faina (55) and Shai (67), who arrived at the club almost from the beginning of the way, talk about the difference between friendships created at a young age and those created now. "I immigrated to Israel in 1990, and we didn't have common friends, it is true that there is a certain age when you no longer meet new people. It is like the industry you are with, either yes or no, and you don't have such a place where you will meet, so here we have something that is common to both of us."

"I think that the friendships here are characterized by more lightness, this community also empowers this. At our age, there is already life wisdom that allows such friendships to be created, but here there are also all the conditions that allow this to happen in practice."

"I have a friend about my age," adds Faina, "I invited her once to an event that was supposed to start at nine in the evening, but it was delayed and started at nine-thirty. She called me and said that nine-thirty is already late for her. I said to myself, okay, this is already a question of choice. In the end, it is a matter of how we choose to live, and how much we are willing to continue to try, to go out and experience new things."

What message would you pass on to hesitant couples? "To live the life of here and now," says Shai, "I went through cancer a few years ago. And then after I recovered plus-minus, I said I am now, what is called in football, injury time. According to all the statistics, I should have died. So everything I live now is as if it is the addition I received. One needs to use life as much as possible, that life will be more meaningful, that life will be better."