Ilana Bar ahead of the show: "I am happy that suddenly I can feel"
Ilana Bar lost her brother, the soldier Hanan, who was killed in 1967 by an accidental discharge, and has carried the weight of this loss for years. Now, she presents a show at the International Puppet Festival of the Train Theater in Jerusalem, sharing the story of her brother and her own journey toward healing.
"I wake up every morning in terrible anxiety ahead of the premiere, asking myself if I didn't exaggerate, if it's not too one-to-one," says Ilana Bar. "I wonder if I won't cause too much pain, if I will give room for laughter too, if I am giving some hope, or just dropping people into sadness." Bar deliberates on all these ahead of the show "You Were Dead, Dobi" which she will present on August 20 as part of the International Puppet Festival of the Train Theater.
In the show, she tells about her brother, Private Hanan Bar, who was killed in 1967 by an accidental discharge at the base where he served, and about the course of her life afterwards. "Someone who saw one of the rehearsals told me it was terribly sad," she says. "I said 'Oh no', and he answered 'Not oh no. Finally I am able to feel'. It is important to me that people will be able to feel, be able to express, be able to communicate with each other and live a little better."
The International Puppet Festival of the Train Theater marks 35 years this year. It will take place on August 16-20 in Jerusalem. In "You Were Dead, Dobi", which is intended for ages 12 and up, a small plastic bear with whom Bar talks also participates. She paints a world where it is allowed to talk about everything, especially what adults are afraid to discuss with children. These are small stories about life and death, funny, sad, and strange memories that allow one to touch a great loneliness.
Bar, 69, grew up in Kibbutz Hulata and has lived in Tel Aviv for decades. She is an artist and one of the founders of "The Garage" - an art school for people dealing with mental crises. Her brother Hanan was killed on July 22, 1967, shortly after the end of the Six-Day War, at the age of 18. Bar was 10 then.
"I have a very great darkness from the moment my father informed me," she shares. "A lot of things were erased. I have one physical memory, in which we ran hand in hand, and I hold this memory very tightly. Hanan was a very quiet and charismatic guy, considered a leader figure. He was apparently very intelligent, talented, introverted, and shy."
Regarding the lack of open mourning in her community, she notes: "My parents immigrated from Germany and did not sit Shiva. I don't know for sure why. From the height of my age, I understand that it was a small community, and they were helpless and confused. All this was not talked about for years, and everything was churning under the surface."
She admits she struggled with the fact that her brother did not fall as a war hero. "I didn't know where to put it inside me. There was no therapy for bereaved siblings. I was very lonely. After my brother was killed, they sent me to study dance. I feel that it saved my life, because there I expressed myself a little."
"In recent years, I hear about the tragedies of October 7 and after, and I think – where to place what I went through?" Bar shares. "At The Garage, I feel comfortable; there, 10-year-old Ilana finally voices her voice. In some way, I feel that my brother is present in my life right now more than ever, and I am happy that suddenly I can feel. I was a master of putting up a wall. Now I allow myself to feel."
When asked if she has processed the tragedy, she says: "Throughout the years I went through many therapies. In the new show, I focus on my brother and on what I went through. I have no doubt that something new is happening to me following this engagement on stage."
