The class is waiting for them, the family is not yet: over 60 children need foster families

6-year-old Gili (pseudonym) will enter first grade in a few days. Like many children her age, she loves computers and art, she is curious, sociable, and excited about the new stage in her life. However, at the end of the school day, when her new friends return home, Gili will return to the emergency center for children at risk where she stays — because a foster family has not yet been found for her.

She is not alone: ahead of the start of the school year, more than 60 children in Israel are still waiting for a family that can take them in, most of them aged 4 to 8. About 24 of them are preschool children, and another 11 children, like Gili, are about to start first grade this year, without a mom and dad to hold their hand.

Gili was removed from her home after professionals determined that her mother was unable to provide her and her siblings with the care, stability, and protection they needed. This is also the common background for many children referred to foster care: children and teenagers removed from their homes due to neglect, abuse, or significant difficulties of their parents in providing for their needs, and transferred to an alternative setting.

Foster family

Unlike adoption, foster care is defined as a temporary framework, and in parallel with the child's stay in the foster family, an attempt is made to rehabilitate their biological family, with the aspiration of returning them there when possible.

For children waiting for a foster family, the period that is supposed to be one of the most exciting of the year can actually cause pain and fear. "The start of the school year, and certainly the transition to first grade, confronts them with everything they don't have. There is no one to go with them to buy supplies, no one to meet the teacher with them, and no one to be excited for them," explains Yarden Kirschner-Karmi, a social worker and head of the placement and diagnosis department at the "Or Shalom" organization. "We hear children saying 'I won't have friends' or 'I don't want to be the one who doesn't have a mom and dad.' There is something about the start of the year that overwhelms them and sharpens their sense of being different."

At the emergency center, they try to prepare the children for this moment. They ask them what color pencil case they want, what to put in their sandwich for the first day, and talk to them about the possibility that at the school gate they will meet other children who arrive with their parents. "We try to give them as much control as possible within the uncertain life they have fallen into," says Kirschner-Karmi.

Even the support cannot fill the void

This preparation is accompanied by social workers, instructors, and national service volunteers, but according to her, even the most professional support cannot fill the void. "There is no substitute for someone who will be only with you, and not with ten other children. There are amazing professionals in the facilities — but it is not a family, and it is not a home."

In the emergency centers, children are exposed to the turnover rate. A friend who arrived after them can one day pack their belongings and move to a family, while they remain behind and continue to wait. "They see others who found a home and ask themselves: 'What is wrong with me? Why them and not me?'" says Kirschner-Karmi. "It is an experience of deep rejection and abandonment." The feeling does not disappear even on the day the suitable family is found for them. "Then you already have to work on self-image, on the child understanding that they are loved, that they were wanted and waited for."

Three months is about the amount of time a child is supposed to stay in emergency foster care. Enough time to create a routine and stability after the upheaval involved in leaving home, undergo diagnosis, and allow professionals to understand which family might suit them. But most of the time, it is more than three months. Two siblings whom Kirschner-Karmi remembers well stayed in emergency foster care for more than a year. "Every time I would see how their materials were sent and they asked to find a family for them," she recalls with sadness.

One day, a family with four children of their own sat in front of her, having arrived for a diagnostic process ahead of receiving a foster license. "Something in my gut felt that there could be a good connection between them," she recalls. A few more months passed, the license was received — and the two siblings packed their belongings and left together.

Impact of October 7

But in the two years since October 7, there were fewer and fewer families sitting in front of Kirschner-Karmi in the diagnostic rooms. Some of them were evacuated themselves from the North and the South, in other families one of the parents went to reserve duty, and many simply did not feel they had room to take in another child at that time — certainly one who arrives after upheaval and needs support. "Everyone was in survival mode," she says.

"There was a significant decrease in families applying for foster care, and accordingly an increase in the number of children waiting for a home." The organization notes that 20% of the families who started the diagnostic process stopped it due to the uncertainty and difficulties caused by the security situation. And when the children waiting are siblings, the search becomes even more difficult. Even when amazing families arrive who want to do good for the children, most of them want one child, because they recognize their capabilities."

Today, about 4,647 children live in Israel with about 3,332 active foster families, including more than 800 children with disabilities. At the start of the school year, 132 of the foster children will start kindergarten, 224 will enter first grade, 308 will start middle school, and 379 will enter high school. Although dozens of new families have joined the pool in recent years, the Ministry of Social Affairs and the "Or Shalom" organization say that their number is still not enough to provide an answer for all the children who need them.

In a few days, Gili will enter first grade, and for her too, a new routine will begin. She will get to know the teacher, the friends, and will sit in the permanent place where she will study in class. But when the final bell rings, the bags will be collected and the friends will disperse to their homes — Gili will return to the emergency center, and will continue to wait for a family and a new opportunity.

Adi Mekel, Director of the Foster Care Service at the Ministry of Social Affairs and Social Security: "The transition to first grade is supposed to be a festive and exciting moment, accompanied by preparations, anticipation, and a new beginning. For a child who is still waiting for a foster family, it is also a moment that illustrates how much she needs a stable, embracing, and safe home and adults who will accompany her along the way, believe in her, and be happy for her successes. We are looking for a family for her that will open its heart and home to her and give her the security and stability that every child needs to grow and develop."

The Ministry of Social Affairs and Social Security and the "Or Shalom" organization from the Amal VeMa'avar group are currently looking for additional families to join the foster care circle. Families interested in hearing more details are invited to contact the Or Shalom organization at *4561.