In honor of Tu B'Av: "Married at First Sight" experts share advice on finding love
Singles searching for a relationship and couples looking to reconnect face different challenges, but the common denominator is clear: love is not just something you find, but a skill you learn, practice, and choose anew. In honor of Tu B'Av, Dr. Yael Doron, Dr. Kalanit Ben-Ari, and Gilad Horowitz share their expert advice.
Whether you are still searching for love or have been in a relationship for years, Tu B'Av serves as a reminder that there is no single formula for a successful partnership. Sometimes the challenge is simply arriving at a date with an open mind, while other times it is about reigniting excitement in a routine relationship or reflecting on what we bring to the table.
In honor of the holiday of love, the experts from "Married at First Sight" — Dr. Yael Doron, Dr. Kalanit Ben-Ari, and Gilad Horowitz — share their insights: how to open the door to new love, how to preserve what you have built, and why the real work begins long after you have found your partner.
Dr. Yael Doron: The challenge of the journey
If you are single, divorced, or widowed, you may be familiar with the feeling of the "meat market" on dates, where every encounter feels like a repetitive job interview. My advice ahead of Tu B'Av is not to wait for the other person to be fascinating, but to be fascinating yourself. Go to a new place, wear something different, or share a story you haven't told before. Surprise yourself first.
For those in long-term relationships, the challenge is renewal. You don't need expensive vacations to break the routine. Start with a simple question during a quiet moment: "What have I done recently that made you happy?" or "How can I make you feel more loved?" A new question sparks a new conversation, which is something every couple deserves.
Dr. Kalanit Ben-Ari: Love as a skill
To singles, I suggest shifting the focus: instead of asking "Who suits me?" ask "What is it like to be in a relationship with me?" This requires courage, but it is the most important question on the path to love. Do not put your life on hold while waiting for a partner; a full, vibrant life is the soil in which love grows.
For couples, remember that love is a behavior, not just an emotion. At the end of each day, ask yourself: did my partner feel loved by my words, actions, or touch today? Don't wait for excitement to return on its own—create it together through new experiences and curiosity. Practice noticing the good things that continue to connect you, rather than focusing on what is missing.
Gilad Horowitz: The three dilemmas of love
Love does not end at the wedding; it merely changes. In my clinical experience, I see three dilemmas that accompany every relationship: freedom vs. commitment, adventure vs. security, and passion vs. intimacy. Mature love is not about choosing one over the other, but about holding both poles simultaneously.
Do not look for a relationship without dilemmas—they don't exist. Look for a person with whom you can carry these dilemmas together. A couple's home shouldn't be a museum of memories, but a place of ongoing discovery. The deepest meaning of marriage is not promising that we will never change, but promising that we will continue to rediscover the person who is evolving before our eyes.
